done playing games

It's been a while since i've last blogged and it feels pretty good to open this sucka up and writing down how I'm feeling.


Summer's has it's good and bad qualities. The good? Nothing to really worry about since I have no commitments this Summer...The bad is that since I have nothing to keep me busy, my feelings and emotions start attacking me.

Why do I sometimes feel as if i have to play games in order to feel as if I have to have control over the situation? I hate playing games and i really want to be myself. But when I act like myself, I feel that the other person doesn't appreciate it.

Sometimes I think, Is it selfish to be yourself? Would I be self-centered to be entirely myself and do what I want and act the way I want with no regards of others? My parents would always scold me and say that I would be selfish in that aspect, but if I don't act myself then how would people learn who I really am? I admit that there are qualities of myself that I need to work on but would changing these qualities change me?

I'm tired of being the only one trying, and when I stop trying, I don't feel right or myself. Life is really just unfair. Or perhaps im being selfish.

I have no idea what I want, and I wish that I could talk to somebody who's unbiased in my opinions and wont judge..